My script sits in front me. I stare it. Have I done the day justice? Have I said enough? Have I said too much? Most likely the latter is true cause most of the time I don't know when to shut up. What have I left out? What have I talked about that no one cares about? Is 37 pieces too many even though most of them are around 2 minutes? Is two minutes pointless in having because will it eventually look like an audition sequence? Do I have enough variety? Do I miss the major points of the day? Will it be exciting? Will it be intriguing? Did I keep the right pieces and cut the ones that should've? Will it be too sad? Will my lighter moments be too light?
Ahhhhh....the life of a writer.
I haven't written since I made my trip to NYC over the summer and spent some time at Ground Zero. The first day I sat off of Liberty Street and watched New York pass me by and just took it in. As I watched people pass by in a hurry, on their phones, with fast food, muttering obscenities under the breath, the construction of the memorial and new skyscrapers was in the background. I free thought/wrote for about an hour and will type that out and include it in my next entry. Have we forgotten? Have we moved on? Have we tried to deal with it the best we can? Are we still in denial? How do we each individually deal with it on a daily basis and how has it changed over the past 10 years.
10 years. Wow. It doesn't seem possible. I walked the exterior of the area and saw the work being done thinking how many souls still inhabit this graveyard and how many just refuse to leave. I can watch numerous videos of people jumping out of the buildings that day and watch reactions of that on the street, but to see the new towers being built there and imagining watching numerous bodies allowing gravity to pull them to the ground in such a close proximity even made me shutter a bit. How do you erase those images out of your mind if you witnessed it, or do you ever?
The next day I took the tours around the area twice. The first time I did the audio tour and heard accounts of the day and the main facts of the events. I realized a problem I face is that I have been studying this day for months and the basic facts of the day are lost on me, BUT how many people who would be attending my show don't know that none of us knew what type of plane it was, that we thought it was an accident, if you were in the first tower and were evacuating you didn't know the second tower was hit, cell phone service that day was failing and caused more problems and worry than had already established themselves in such a short time. My first reading will answer a lot of those questions. Some people might write back, "I learned nothing new". I need to take that into account. What if the audience feels like nothing that they're seeing brings them closer to the day?
The next tour I did was led by two ladies who were directly affected by the day. That was more important for my project because they are the types I will be portraying a characters. Again, they told the basic information about the day and pointed out things that most people might not know. Later, they each told their story, one talking about working in the medical field and the other, losing a brother who was a fireman. She cried as she told the story. 10 years later, still being torn apart by the loss of a beloved brother and friend. I talked with her after for awhile and she was interested in my project and I'll be in touch with her off and on. I won't contact her this month because I'm realizing that the 10 year anniversary is tough for me, but is 100 times harder for someone who lost someone close to them that day.
I wish I was back there this 9/11, but I'm here and my reading will be my contribution to honoring the day. I don't feel like it's enough, but the firemen who came into my bar for weeks after said just serving them drinks was doing my duty as a New Yorker (part of my show if you come see it). I still struggle with that.
