Day #2

If I could write one more monologue to the show, it would be about what I witnessed when I went to the Memorial. Here we are standing next to these two enormous reflecting pools with the names of all the deceased, flowers, and loved ones tearing up and praying. Behind them you have tourists who are posing for family/couple pictures, as if they're standing in front of FAO Schwartz. Where do these pictures go and what's the story behind them when they tell people? "Over here on the mantle is our family picture in front of the graveyard of almost 3,000 souls who were brutally murdered. Yeah, we're all smiling. Tim is sort of looking away but we took 4-5 so we could get the perfect shot in front of the monument of one of the most depressing days in World history. Oh, look over my shoulder in the picture, yeah, I'm the one with the Statue of Liberty hat, see that person, they were balling in hysterics. I think they were crying over their husband or dad or someone. I tried to frame them out so they didn't ruin the picture. We might use it as our Christmas card. "

Seriously, it's such a beautiful place and some beautiful landscape and so overwhelming. I stared in disbelief as people handed over their cameras and said, "can you get our picture in front of this" , and then would smile and hold each other like it was a bar. Maybe someone can enlighten me here.

Day #1

Rehearsal day #1 was starting to memorize the script. The difference is I'm memorizing my lines instead of someone else's. One of the pros is when I memorize a line and don't like the rhythm or sound of it, I simply change it. The con is what if I'm dumbing it down so that it's easy to memorize? I wrote it not thinking how easy it would be to memorize. I've performed hundreds of scripts and I don't ever remember them being insanely easy to memorize, so I need to police myself.

I have started the advertising plans for the show, which to be honest, is 80% of the show being successful. I have 7 performances and can seat up to 100 people at each one, so how do I publicize and intrigue 700 people to come? Over half of the people I want to come see the show don't even know I exist right now. And who wants to see another 9/11 show?

Another problem I have dealt with is the producer costs. I have just been hovering above $0 in my bank account for the past two months because of the initial costs. I have more bills for the show already facing me in the near future.

I have student loans coming in soon, but the idea that came to me recently was what if they weren't? As Kander and Ebb say in Cabaret, Money makes the world go round. We are usually more concerned with having money in our account than getting our art out there. What if I had absolutely NO MONEY coming my way in any sense except for what I could make with my art? The idea of that changes my entire outlook on how I approach my work ethic and drive to get my work and myself sold. I don't know anyone who is as desperate as Dustin Hoffman in Kramer vs. Kramer when he needs a job at that moment to make everything right. He accepts nothing but an answer of "Yes". He doesn't go home and complain thinking the world is against him. I would probably be taken aback by someone who dedicated every single moment getting themselves and their work in order to live solely off of it in today's economy. If I had 3 dollars to my name, and the only way I could pay for anything was getting money from acting, writing, or performing, I wouldn't procrastinate like I do and wouldn't just fake my way through things. I believe we have done a lot (business and university wise) to make the arts a very safe environment.

IN the FRINGE (Assonance!)

Monday was the choosing of the lineup for the festival and I got in!! I'm in the Brown venue at OST which seats 100 people and I have 7 shows so I need to find 700 people to see it. I have paid a lot of money already to get it in the festival and now I am a producer and have costs that frighten me. So Katie and Kayla have offered to help me with fundraising. In order.... Bake Sale, PArty at the apt, and a night of music and comedy. Guess who picked each one?

I'm so excited and scared out of my mind at the same time. I can't believe a small thought of an idea of writing a show about 9/11 a year ago has now had a reading and now will have a world premiere at an international fringe festival. I'm speechless, honored, and ready to get this thing ready!!

I'm not cast next semester so I have so many projects lined up to get the most out of my last semester in school. I'm doing 2 cabarets, leading an improv workshop, and doing a project I used to do in NYC which is get whoever wants to do a scene, song, monologue, etc and present it for feedback and suggestions. It would be nice to explore some of the pieces I want to do on these nights.

My director, Trevin Cooper, and I have thought about some of the pieces we definitely want to do in the final show and our first cut is: The opening, The closing, The Actor, The Cab Driver, The Romantic Couple, The Jumper, The K9 Unit, The Missing Person Ad, The 19 Men. That's 10 pieces. Each one can be 5 minutes each then. Hmmmm, I've got a lot of editing to do. I have to have the whole show under 60 minutes. BUT, I want to keep working on it so when I perform it outside the Fringe Festival, it can run about 80 minutes or so.

Let's get through the holidays, then it's go time.

Submitted

I have put this project on the back burner since 9/11 while I was getting Pajama Game on its feet and trying not to fail out of school. Today was a huge step in moving this project forward. In May, the Orlando Fringe Festival takes place and they take roughly 75 shows that perform in that week. I filled out my application, searched under the cushions for loose change so I could pay the application fee, and submitted my 9/11 show to be performed as part of the festival. There's about a 70% chance that I'll be picked for the festival. It's done purely on a lottery system. I'm trying to get into a venue that seats 100 people and hopefully will get 7 performances during the week. IF I do get in the festival, major fundraising will begin to help pay my producer costs. Thank God this is a one man show. There is admission price for the show so if I can get 700 people to come see it, then maybe, I can make a dent in my school loans......or get a new lens for my camera!

I'll find out by the evening of Nov 21st and that'll give me 5 or so months to polish the show, cut it down to the best 55 minutes, and start memorizing every single word in it. and then....... start reliving it all....over.....again. The most exciting thing is if I do get into the festival, I should be done with my thesis next summer. Holla!

Oh, and after doing my reading and getting feedback from everyone, I decided that a working title right now will be 9/11: We will never forget (The never will be crossed out). That's right. I can't begin to tell you how many people expressed the feeling that we forgot all of these stories in the past 10 years, and it'll only get worse in the future. My job will be to make sure we don't.

Everyone's favorite

I've had so many people give me compliments about my show but it always seems to go back to a few pieces I wrote and this one always seems to come out on top of those. I think it speaks for itself. Put a mirror up to your own face and ask these questions and what do you see?

19 guys. I'm sorry. Not guys. Scum. 19 scumbags who could fit in a jail cell, I don't care if they're comfortable or not. None of them weighed over 220 pounds or so, none of them too tall. These were average sized men with average sized organs and dealt with the same health problems we all do. But they had hate. More hate in them than any of us could imagine. Hate that was bigger than any physical thing we could see. Enough hate to take their own lives and all that they could take out in the name of Allah. They wanted something to happen and they did it.

If I picked 19 random people here today, and I gave you all the resources to do whatever you wanted to do, you couldn't come up with a plot, scenario, or execution that these fucks were able to do. These men became larger than life. 19 men were able to effect thousands and thousands, no millions of lives. The world. 19 men. Puts it in perspective. When was the last thing you did that affected more than 100 people? What were these 19 individual men able to do?

A total of 2,996 deaths, including the 19 hijackers, who I don't consider human beings, and 2,977 victims. The victims were distributed as follows: 246 on the four planes (from which there were no survivors), 2,606 in New York City in the towers and on the ground, and 125 at the Pentagon. All the deaths in the attacks were civilians except for 55 military personnel killed in the attack on the Pentagon. More than 90 countries lost citizens in the attacks on the World Trade Center.

NIST estimated that about 17,400 civilians were in the World Trade Center complex at the time of the attacks, while turnstile counts from the Port Authority suggest that 14,154 people were typically in the Twin Towers by 8:45 a.m on an average day. At least 1,366 people died who were at or above the floors of impact in the North Tower and at least 618 in the South Tower, where evacuation had begun before the second impact. Hundreds were killed instantly by the impact, while the rest were trapped and died after tower collapse. At least 200 people jumped to their deaths from the burning towers landing on the streets and rooftops of adjacent buildings hundreds of feet below.

A total of 411 emergency workers who responded to the scene died as they attempted to rescue people and fight fires. The New York City Fire Department (FDNY) lost 341 firefighters and 2 FDNY paramedics. Those deaths left 606 children without a parent and 244 widows. The New York City Police Department lost 23 officers. The Port Authority Police Department lost 37 officers, and 8 additional EMTs and paramedics from private EMS units were killed.

Cantor Fitzgerald which was located on the 90-94th floor lost 658 employees which left 1350 children without at least one parent.

Actions speak louder than words. You might be small or think yourself insignificant, but look at the impact you can have on those around you. When was the last time 19 people worked together in a plot that brought amazing positive change to the world. We have 100 people in Senate. We have 50 governors. 435 in the house of representatives. 1 president. 1 vice president. 16 people in his cabinet. Who knows how many has his ears.

19 though, 19 made the world change. Why does death and destruction have to bring change? They worked together. They believed in one thing. I wish it didn't have to be that. When do we start believing in one thing?

First Reading Recap

To say this has been the hardest semester I've ever had in college is an understatement. I work and work but feel like I get no closer to my goal. What that goal is, I have no freaking clue. Between classes, rehearsals, short sleeps that I call naps, working out, trying to eat, etc..I did a small little reading of my 9/11 show that I've been working on for months and thinking about for about a year. To recap in one word: Shocked.

I was shocked that I actually put it together. I'm a big time talker but sometimes lack the energy to follow through. I put Sept 11th as the date that I wanted to have my first reading, and it happened just the way I planned.

I was shocked that someone I have so much respect for in this field, Trevin Cooper, read it, was impressed by it, and agreed to help me stage it. I picked Trevin because he was a New York actor with me so between the two of us, we had been to or performed in over a hundred readings. I was shocked that we had 3 good rehearsals and were able to stage the whole thing and give a very coherent story with only a desk and 2 music stands.

I was shocked that almost 75 people showed up on a Sunday morning and allowed themselves to be moved and listened to the 37 stories I told in the 95 minute time span. I felt so supported and part of a theatrical community that wants to learn, share, and desire new work.

I was shocked that after a few monologues I looked out into the crowd and saw a few people sobbing. Honestly, I had become so close to this material that I forgot that it was sad and could affect people that way. Through the entire reading I heard sniffles and blowing of noses that I never expected when I took the stage that day. I actually had a few professors leave immediately after the show because they were overwhelmed with emotions.

I was shocked that the one piece that I love so much because it was funny and not makes fun of the day, but actors got huge laughs and when I realized the audience wanted to laugh at that point, I improvised about 2 minutes of material to it and it just kept getting funnier.

I wasn't shocked that the one piece that I remember sitting down and writing in one draft and never making a change to it and knowing I had something rich in it, got the best reaction and everyone wanted to tell me how much that one stood out.

I was shocked that professors tok me into their offices the next day to tell me how much they loved it and gave me constructive criticism. They weren't only professors at that moment but audience members who were affected by the material and were human beings who joined with me in the art of it.

I was shocked when one of my professors said "you raised a lot of questions" which is all I ever want to do as an artist. I was shocked when the majority of responses to the material included "live life to the fullest", "don't sweat the small shit", "Life could be over tomorrow", "I'm grateful for what I have" when that was the intention for a very long time even though I never came right out and said it.

I was shocked that I feel like I just scratched the surface of what this could be or what this is going to be. My biggest fear is that it won't be as powerful on other days besides Sept 11. Was it because it was on that day that it meant so much? Or was it because the material can be used any day of the year? Only time will answer that.

I'm overwhelmed with the outpouring of thoughts, support, and appreciation for my work from everyone. Thank you. I don't do this for my ego. I do it because it's my contribution to the world and to the world of art.

Approaching

My script sits in front me. I stare it. Have I done the day justice? Have I said enough? Have I said too much? Most likely the latter is true cause most of the time I don't know when to shut up. What have I left out? What have I talked about that no one cares about? Is 37 pieces too many even though most of them are around 2 minutes? Is two minutes pointless in having because will it eventually look like an audition sequence? Do I have enough variety? Do I miss the major points of the day? Will it be exciting? Will it be intriguing? Did I keep the right pieces and cut the ones that should've? Will it be too sad? Will my lighter moments be too light?

Ahhhhh....the life of a writer.

I haven't written since I made my trip to NYC over the summer and spent some time at Ground Zero. The first day I sat off of Liberty Street and watched New York pass me by and just took it in. As I watched people pass by in a hurry, on their phones, with fast food, muttering obscenities under the breath, the construction of the memorial and new skyscrapers was in the background. I free thought/wrote for about an hour and will type that out and include it in my next entry. Have we forgotten? Have we moved on? Have we tried to deal with it the best we can? Are we still in denial? How do we each individually deal with it on a daily basis and how has it changed over the past 10 years.

10 years. Wow. It doesn't seem possible. I walked the exterior of the area and saw the work being done thinking how many souls still inhabit this graveyard and how many just refuse to leave. I can watch numerous videos of people jumping out of the buildings that day and watch reactions of that on the street, but to see the new towers being built there and imagining watching numerous bodies allowing gravity to pull them to the ground in such a close proximity even made me shutter a bit. How do you erase those images out of your mind if you witnessed it, or do you ever?

The next day I took the tours around the area twice. The first time I did the audio tour and heard accounts of the day and the main facts of the events. I realized a problem I face is that I have been studying this day for months and the basic facts of the day are lost on me, BUT how many people who would be attending my show don't know that none of us knew what type of plane it was, that we thought it was an accident, if you were in the first tower and were evacuating you didn't know the second tower was hit, cell phone service that day was failing and caused more problems and worry than had already established themselves in such a short time. My first reading will answer a lot of those questions. Some people might write back, "I learned nothing new". I need to take that into account. What if the audience feels like nothing that they're seeing brings them closer to the day?

The next tour I did was led by two ladies who were directly affected by the day. That was more important for my project because they are the types I will be portraying a characters. Again, they told the basic information about the day and pointed out things that most people might not know. Later, they each told their story, one talking about working in the medical field and the other, losing a brother who was a fireman. She cried as she told the story. 10 years later, still being torn apart by the loss of a beloved brother and friend. I talked with her after for awhile and she was interested in my project and I'll be in touch with her off and on. I won't contact her this month because I'm realizing that the 10 year anniversary is tough for me, but is 100 times harder for someone who lost someone close to them that day.

I wish I was back there this 9/11, but I'm here and my reading will be my contribution to honoring the day. I don't feel like it's enough, but the firemen who came into my bar for weeks after said just serving them drinks was doing my duty as a New Yorker (part of my show if you come see it). I still struggle with that.