Everyone's favorite

I've had so many people give me compliments about my show but it always seems to go back to a few pieces I wrote and this one always seems to come out on top of those. I think it speaks for itself. Put a mirror up to your own face and ask these questions and what do you see?

19 guys. I'm sorry. Not guys. Scum. 19 scumbags who could fit in a jail cell, I don't care if they're comfortable or not. None of them weighed over 220 pounds or so, none of them too tall. These were average sized men with average sized organs and dealt with the same health problems we all do. But they had hate. More hate in them than any of us could imagine. Hate that was bigger than any physical thing we could see. Enough hate to take their own lives and all that they could take out in the name of Allah. They wanted something to happen and they did it.

If I picked 19 random people here today, and I gave you all the resources to do whatever you wanted to do, you couldn't come up with a plot, scenario, or execution that these fucks were able to do. These men became larger than life. 19 men were able to effect thousands and thousands, no millions of lives. The world. 19 men. Puts it in perspective. When was the last thing you did that affected more than 100 people? What were these 19 individual men able to do?

A total of 2,996 deaths, including the 19 hijackers, who I don't consider human beings, and 2,977 victims. The victims were distributed as follows: 246 on the four planes (from which there were no survivors), 2,606 in New York City in the towers and on the ground, and 125 at the Pentagon. All the deaths in the attacks were civilians except for 55 military personnel killed in the attack on the Pentagon. More than 90 countries lost citizens in the attacks on the World Trade Center.

NIST estimated that about 17,400 civilians were in the World Trade Center complex at the time of the attacks, while turnstile counts from the Port Authority suggest that 14,154 people were typically in the Twin Towers by 8:45 a.m on an average day. At least 1,366 people died who were at or above the floors of impact in the North Tower and at least 618 in the South Tower, where evacuation had begun before the second impact. Hundreds were killed instantly by the impact, while the rest were trapped and died after tower collapse. At least 200 people jumped to their deaths from the burning towers landing on the streets and rooftops of adjacent buildings hundreds of feet below.

A total of 411 emergency workers who responded to the scene died as they attempted to rescue people and fight fires. The New York City Fire Department (FDNY) lost 341 firefighters and 2 FDNY paramedics. Those deaths left 606 children without a parent and 244 widows. The New York City Police Department lost 23 officers. The Port Authority Police Department lost 37 officers, and 8 additional EMTs and paramedics from private EMS units were killed.

Cantor Fitzgerald which was located on the 90-94th floor lost 658 employees which left 1350 children without at least one parent.

Actions speak louder than words. You might be small or think yourself insignificant, but look at the impact you can have on those around you. When was the last time 19 people worked together in a plot that brought amazing positive change to the world. We have 100 people in Senate. We have 50 governors. 435 in the house of representatives. 1 president. 1 vice president. 16 people in his cabinet. Who knows how many has his ears.

19 though, 19 made the world change. Why does death and destruction have to bring change? They worked together. They believed in one thing. I wish it didn't have to be that. When do we start believing in one thing?

First Reading Recap

To say this has been the hardest semester I've ever had in college is an understatement. I work and work but feel like I get no closer to my goal. What that goal is, I have no freaking clue. Between classes, rehearsals, short sleeps that I call naps, working out, trying to eat, etc..I did a small little reading of my 9/11 show that I've been working on for months and thinking about for about a year. To recap in one word: Shocked.

I was shocked that I actually put it together. I'm a big time talker but sometimes lack the energy to follow through. I put Sept 11th as the date that I wanted to have my first reading, and it happened just the way I planned.

I was shocked that someone I have so much respect for in this field, Trevin Cooper, read it, was impressed by it, and agreed to help me stage it. I picked Trevin because he was a New York actor with me so between the two of us, we had been to or performed in over a hundred readings. I was shocked that we had 3 good rehearsals and were able to stage the whole thing and give a very coherent story with only a desk and 2 music stands.

I was shocked that almost 75 people showed up on a Sunday morning and allowed themselves to be moved and listened to the 37 stories I told in the 95 minute time span. I felt so supported and part of a theatrical community that wants to learn, share, and desire new work.

I was shocked that after a few monologues I looked out into the crowd and saw a few people sobbing. Honestly, I had become so close to this material that I forgot that it was sad and could affect people that way. Through the entire reading I heard sniffles and blowing of noses that I never expected when I took the stage that day. I actually had a few professors leave immediately after the show because they were overwhelmed with emotions.

I was shocked that the one piece that I love so much because it was funny and not makes fun of the day, but actors got huge laughs and when I realized the audience wanted to laugh at that point, I improvised about 2 minutes of material to it and it just kept getting funnier.

I wasn't shocked that the one piece that I remember sitting down and writing in one draft and never making a change to it and knowing I had something rich in it, got the best reaction and everyone wanted to tell me how much that one stood out.

I was shocked that professors tok me into their offices the next day to tell me how much they loved it and gave me constructive criticism. They weren't only professors at that moment but audience members who were affected by the material and were human beings who joined with me in the art of it.

I was shocked when one of my professors said "you raised a lot of questions" which is all I ever want to do as an artist. I was shocked when the majority of responses to the material included "live life to the fullest", "don't sweat the small shit", "Life could be over tomorrow", "I'm grateful for what I have" when that was the intention for a very long time even though I never came right out and said it.

I was shocked that I feel like I just scratched the surface of what this could be or what this is going to be. My biggest fear is that it won't be as powerful on other days besides Sept 11. Was it because it was on that day that it meant so much? Or was it because the material can be used any day of the year? Only time will answer that.

I'm overwhelmed with the outpouring of thoughts, support, and appreciation for my work from everyone. Thank you. I don't do this for my ego. I do it because it's my contribution to the world and to the world of art.

Approaching

My script sits in front me. I stare it. Have I done the day justice? Have I said enough? Have I said too much? Most likely the latter is true cause most of the time I don't know when to shut up. What have I left out? What have I talked about that no one cares about? Is 37 pieces too many even though most of them are around 2 minutes? Is two minutes pointless in having because will it eventually look like an audition sequence? Do I have enough variety? Do I miss the major points of the day? Will it be exciting? Will it be intriguing? Did I keep the right pieces and cut the ones that should've? Will it be too sad? Will my lighter moments be too light?

Ahhhhh....the life of a writer.

I haven't written since I made my trip to NYC over the summer and spent some time at Ground Zero. The first day I sat off of Liberty Street and watched New York pass me by and just took it in. As I watched people pass by in a hurry, on their phones, with fast food, muttering obscenities under the breath, the construction of the memorial and new skyscrapers was in the background. I free thought/wrote for about an hour and will type that out and include it in my next entry. Have we forgotten? Have we moved on? Have we tried to deal with it the best we can? Are we still in denial? How do we each individually deal with it on a daily basis and how has it changed over the past 10 years.

10 years. Wow. It doesn't seem possible. I walked the exterior of the area and saw the work being done thinking how many souls still inhabit this graveyard and how many just refuse to leave. I can watch numerous videos of people jumping out of the buildings that day and watch reactions of that on the street, but to see the new towers being built there and imagining watching numerous bodies allowing gravity to pull them to the ground in such a close proximity even made me shutter a bit. How do you erase those images out of your mind if you witnessed it, or do you ever?

The next day I took the tours around the area twice. The first time I did the audio tour and heard accounts of the day and the main facts of the events. I realized a problem I face is that I have been studying this day for months and the basic facts of the day are lost on me, BUT how many people who would be attending my show don't know that none of us knew what type of plane it was, that we thought it was an accident, if you were in the first tower and were evacuating you didn't know the second tower was hit, cell phone service that day was failing and caused more problems and worry than had already established themselves in such a short time. My first reading will answer a lot of those questions. Some people might write back, "I learned nothing new". I need to take that into account. What if the audience feels like nothing that they're seeing brings them closer to the day?

The next tour I did was led by two ladies who were directly affected by the day. That was more important for my project because they are the types I will be portraying a characters. Again, they told the basic information about the day and pointed out things that most people might not know. Later, they each told their story, one talking about working in the medical field and the other, losing a brother who was a fireman. She cried as she told the story. 10 years later, still being torn apart by the loss of a beloved brother and friend. I talked with her after for awhile and she was interested in my project and I'll be in touch with her off and on. I won't contact her this month because I'm realizing that the 10 year anniversary is tough for me, but is 100 times harder for someone who lost someone close to them that day.

I wish I was back there this 9/11, but I'm here and my reading will be my contribution to honoring the day. I don't feel like it's enough, but the firemen who came into my bar for weeks after said just serving them drinks was doing my duty as a New Yorker (part of my show if you come see it). I still struggle with that.

Stephen Sondheim

I was watching the History of the Broadway Musical Documentary (while watching the Indians....you know....just in case the LGBT came busting in my apartment pointing and screaming "I knew it!!!!") Stephen Sondheim was talking about how the crescendo at the end of each small phrase was his basis of mood in the opening song. With each small crescendo, you would keep anticipating something to happen but it never would. He said hardly anyone would notice it but it would automatically create a mood.

That is something that has been spinning around in my head about this 9/11 show for some time. The mood for the show. If it's supposed to happen like it did that day, I suppose I should start it at 8:46 in the morning, but then my buddy Alex wouldn't get there to see it, that's 6 hours before he likes to wake up. If the audience enters to a mood that we all had at 8:45 am that day, I might consider having a stand up comedian, a folk band, or people just handing money out so that everyone says "Oh what a splendid show this will be", and then have the ceiling cave in and crush the first three rows.

Maybe in the first three monologues I can crescendo the end of each sentence and the audience will think "Why in the hell is he doing that" , and get so annoyed they run out of the theater. I feel like I can actually recreate the horror of that day right there in the theater. Oooh, I have actors in mind that will really destroy all normalcy of the room if they perform. This place will explode!!!! Anyway...thank you Stephen Sondheim. (and the fact that I've been doing farce comedy for the past 4 weeks)

Invite to First Reading

I sent out a few invitations for my first rough read next Monday night the 27th. Just a few friends that I feel comfortable sharing whatever I think this thing might be. What feedback do i want from them? (I'm going to call each person's monologue a piece). 1) What overall feeling does one get from the piece? Why do they "really like it" or "really hate it" or why didn't it resonate in them. This is an important question because their answers are coming from a point of view of someone who wasn't there or thought about certain aspects of the day. They might hate it, but for all the reasons I'm going for. 2) How wide are the different point of views. It was a sad and life changing day, but too much of that would make for a really boring show. Did I hit enough different points of views that make the entire show very well rounded and interesting? 3) What would they have liked to see more of? And equally, what would they have liked to see less of? I hope it's not death, terrorism, heroics, and disaster..... cause there is going to be a lot of that. 4) What acting things pop out to them as I read the pieces. At the end of the day, this is an acting thesis. I'm aiming to stretch my acting chops a whole bunch of different ways and not only tell the story through my words, but through my body, behavior, emotions, expressions, characters, and unpredictability.

I already have a feeling of what pieces they are going to like. They're probably the ones that I like and that I liked writing. They're interesting. They stand out from the rest. I'm really hoping that a couple that I don't like are among their favorites. Why? Because it would mean I touched on something without even realizing it. The plan for the past two months has been to dive into every aspect of that day through reading, watching, studying and then letting my mind come up with ideas that might be interesting for an audience member or a topic that would be interesting to explore.

I'm not uncovering new ground. I am taking what I know as being an artist and doing what I can with it. I have the potential to reach out and educate, inspire, and move people with my understanding of the events of that day. I am fully aware that this might be the worst piece of shit ever to be performed, or maybe it can have a few moments that touch someone and they feel they know a little bit more about what our country and citizens went through.

First Reading

I did what any normal single 35 year old would do on a Friday night, I sat down and read my thesis script and relived 9/11 all over again. Yea! Actually, I was very happy with what I've accomplished in the past 2 months. I have finished 63 pieces and I feel enough stand out on their own to be put together to make an entire piece. I can tell right now that I'm going to have a problem cutting down. I found that a few of them that I liked all had a reasonable similarities and through some work I'll be able to combine them for one full piece. I also realized I have a strong connection to the ones that were more creative than the others. The ones that were off the wall had me thinking "I hope this gets a good response at the read through!" I'm happy with the number of "comic" or "lighthearted" ones. They can make people laugh and smile without making fun of anything that happened that day. New York is full of crazy characters and I'm using my knowledge of them to help this show.

I will need to start thinking of the entire piece as a whole soon and what choices I could make to make it a very meaningful evening for the audience. I talked to Dan in the costume shop about recruiting his help for costume ideas. I have many set and lighting ideas but don't know if any of those will be able to be used depending on where I do the show.

I did watch the conspiracy theories of 9/11 on dvd tonight and how they are argued by Popular Mechanics magazine. If the "truthers" are wrong in any way, they should apologize to every single American. Or how about a TV show pitting both sides against each other? I'm sure that would be a tad bit better than the Kardashians.

I talked to a couple friends who were younger and out of state and got their opinions on that day and realized if this show is a success, I could write an entirely different show based on the people who didnt live in NYC. It was a totally different experience from those who saw the smoke rising to the sky and those who didn't. It also makes me think how this show will play to an audience down here compared to one in the New England States. Does the image of fighter jets flying around NYC protecting us for days afterwards resonate as surreal to this audience as it did for us?

June 10th, 2011

I'll name this entry exactly what it is. It's a check in that says I'm still doing this writing thing so that when I include it in my thesis paper, I won't have to go back and make stuff up. I have 58 individual pieces so far, some being really good and some being complete shit. Some are fragments of ideas and that led me to write another piece in the same vicinity of one I didn't like. I still have a brainstorming list that is several pages long that I feel I could write another 75-100 without any effort. I would say 40 of the 58 are off of general ideas of death, forgiveness, hatred, love, survival, shock, recovery, or decision making. The other 18 are quite avant garde and off the wall. I have found ways to add comedy and light hearted moments, but hope to write a few more that doesn't make fun of the day but lightens the mood. Another path I'm crossing is going from feelings and emotions that I don't need to do research on to doing more pieces using very precise data and information. I want to write a piece that really makes it apparent how much terrorism and anti American sentiment came into it, but first I have to understand it myself and have read almost two books about it just so I can write a 5 minute piece on it. I don't want it to be a lecture. I want it to communicate the message while making it interesting and creative.

That's another struggle I'm dealing with. To make the moments active towards someone specifically with a specific want or getting the information out as much as possible, sacrificing the "scene". I want to make each moment a different take on something that has been looked at the same mundane way before. I want to surprise the audience. I also don't want to dumb down the audience and I want to trust them that they'll see what I'm trying to say with the words without slapping them in the face with them. Take the example of someone who is saying goodbye to their family member for the last time. Sitting here I can think of 10 different ways to do that. It's a matter of writing all of them and then getting a feel of what is working the best and then how it compares to the other pieces that I include in the final product. My goal is still to do a full reading on Sept 11th of this year on the 10th anniversary.