Wow

I've been living this project and these images for a month now and the fact that I know he didn't die of old age but was hunted down brings satisfaction to me tonight. I know this won't stop the terrorists from continuing to be assholes, but what a nice victory tonight. May 3,000 souls rest in peace now from this dispicable human being. Thank you Military. We owe you everything.

Second Brainstorming Session

After more videos, books, and memories, I have added on to my previous brainstorming list. If I could write a show about every single thing I'm thinking of, it would last 3 days. This list and the previous list combine to make 250 character/ideas/images/phrases that I've taken in thus far.

The symphony of different noises

A piece of glass goed thru two people as one tries to cover the other

The smell of manhattan that week.

The air all around contained bits of every deceased

Later on- whats happening now? Expect the worst

neurotic guy who cant get the smell, ash, memory out of his clothes

Someone who could have been saved but sacrificed themselves for the lord

What does ground zero mean.

How i make sure the terrorists dont win

Guatam patel- indian writer

Fires burned for 100 days

Rescue worker wants to sit down but would feel guilty if someone trapped saw him

Edgar allan poe: my very senses reject their own evidence

What towns lost the most people

Someone with a camera who went tiwards what was happening. Tells the story visually

Battery dead on the camera

Street light knocked down killing someone

The steel was still on fire and hot after the collapse. Couldnt rummage around.

How big of a space battery park is. Most people dont understand the tughtness of streets and distance

What happened when he got home that night. Vacant soul. Vomiting in the shower

The fireman thanking me for serving him drinks.

"swimmers" to go down through debris.

How many things had to go right for this to work for them

See a picture of the plabe right before it hits 2nd tower and realize how much hate and fright is on that plane

1st time airline operations were stopped

Attack on pentagon doesnt matter right now

Battleships and fighter jets on patrol

Replay first minutes over and over again. 2nd guessing.

All the fires placed around like a movie set

Someone screaming Stop drop and roll

Helping someone who i saw for years but never said hello to

Turned on radio, they were joking about pam anderson while we were running for our lives

The difference between regular nyers and 9/11 nyers. Subway, stairs, cabs, etc.

The water from sprinklers added on to the ash made for ghost people.

Person survived collapse because they were tramled and thr people were like a blanket

Someone standing at the edge of the city. Hasnt stepped a foot since that day. Horrible memories

For 16 minutes it was just a crash and a fire

"what do we do?!?"

Stunned faces

What is the breathing patterns of that

Stupid people commenting

Making shit up

Relaying of info as it happened between nyers. 2 planes? Bombs? Every half an hour? Terrorists?

A pastor at impact Zone with injured who can provide comfort...but frim what?

Moment of silence by pres bush while chaos taking place

Stuck in manhattan. Cant leave.

For an hour, it was fires in building. No one thought theyd fall

Fireman calling wife to say hes alive after first collapse

Areas thatvwere picturesque fr brides and tourists looked like hell

I wanred to smoke, know where i could get a light? Irony.

Someone who a jumper was kin to

What good has come from it

Jan demczur. All the other heroes no one has ever hers of

One moment drinking coffee, next my friend is on fire

Remember different rhythms and different accents. Diff ages, sexes, sexuality,

People thought it was a gun

Calling a relative and preparing them for what might happen. They cant let go.

Someone choking on the ash and dying

Being interviewed right after

The confusion of getting info on a relative and names/ building # etc

3000 people was just a fraction of what and who they hurt

Human bonsai tree

You cant replace a life. You can a building

Rant on liberals and wanting peace and uss cole, clinton, civil rights

Rubber neckers got crushed even after bring told to leave

Could be a funny story of mishaps that someone is fondly remembering. Running into a doughnut cart

A fathers job is to protect his daughter

Body part sections in the morgue

There are people you know before and after the attack

Felt the heat from the fireball in 2nd explosion

Everybody seemed to find a coworker running withthem ad then disappear

An actors point of view. All about himself

Jason nettle's point of view

Finally getting the call that hes ok

2nd plane caused almost 100 people to be ejected from the building

Go to war now. Hate bin laden.

Unbelievable blacknesa from collapse. Is this death? No one knows what its like

After collapse, breaking into building, getting on elevator, very peaceful music

Cars exploded from the heat of the fires

The ash and dust were remains of people and that hit mr and made me sick. Comes off in shower

The hail story from laura

How do you tell a kid?

People were still "working" because we wrent sure how it would end

Tortured logic

Everyone wondered if they had died when it was pitch black from the dust

Did your men make it out? No. That first realization that people were crushed

Our mayor was walking down the street like everyone else

Hugged wife a little longer next day

If god intervened, id have more trouble dealing with this. Guilt

What to do when you receive infonation and you cant process it

Hospitals didnt have patiebts because people just vanished

People whos only job in life was to save people

They havent taken away our spirit

Ground zero known as the pile

Where do you start

Using missing instead of dead

Have you ever lived on hope?

If i jump i can end it the way i want. I want to fly. My soul to be free

We're not used to this. Dont even know what to do

When it fell, i remeber breathing it all in. Holding my breath. Hearing my neighbor scream

I ran away for the first time in my life

Ok. You got what you wanted Theyre down. Nowwhat??! What do you have fuckers??

Boat rescues were amazing

I have never seen war, but i imagine this is what it looks like

When did we think it was stable?

No water downtown. Fires just burned.

Last survivors were found the morning of the 12th. 5 of them

Bigger rock that could have dozens of people in it

What do i tell this baby that im holding

What are physics of collapse. How much weight, impact, force, etc

Do i tackle the issue of religion

What was this dead body doing 30 minutes ago

Can all the characters be connected in some way

After collapse i couldnt even speak. Sound waves had no where to go

When they hear the building coming down above them, what do you think. Same thing as the guy next to him, but he didnt make it

How do you prepare to die? What have i done with my life

You think of everything you havent done with your life. Ive got 5 seconds. Cant do anything now

If my husband saved you, do something with your life because he cant

Firemen never have felt hopeless. Theyre the ones who do the work

Im trapped in north tower stairway b, where is north tower

Im comin for ya brother

Detail Overload

I've read a few books, seen a couple documentaries, lived in NYC through the actual events, and interviewed people and now I'm starting to sit down for the writing process. It seems so daunting. How do communicate what I want the audience to take away from it? What exactly do I want the audience to take away from it? I think those questions will be answered once the process begins. My brainstorming list is twice as long as the last one I posted.

My last final is Monday morning and I'll be completely done with my first year by 3 pm. The way I've decided to tackle the writing process is taking the advice from my former photography teacher. She once had us take a simple object and take over 50 pictures of it from different angles and such. It was at the time that we thought we had exhausted all possibilities of capturing this object when the art actually started to happen. Pictures 45-80 were always so much more interesting because they came from a place of extreme exploration.

I think this is how I'm going to try to write. I'm going to block off a few hours and free write and see where my imagination goes. Since I don't have an exact vision of what I want to happen, I trust that it's inside of me somewhere and I just need to coax it out. It'll be at the time that I'm sick of writing about some specific piece of the event that I will go to an extreme alpha state and hopefully my subconscious will come to life. Here's hoping. I'm trying to get most of my ideas out on paper by June 1st so I can start structuring it and having a fairly good draft by August 1st. Still hoping for my first read through to be Sept 11, 2011.

Nice Relaxing Night Alone

Tonight I decided to watch a light documentary from the History channel titled 102 Minutes. Wow. What the hell was I thinking? It gave me a million ideas for my show but I spent most of it having flashbacks and reliving that day and the days after. The documentary consists of home footage taken by New Yorkers that were down in the neighborhood when it all happened. What I heard in the conversations that I totally forgot until now was that we had no idea what was going on minute by minute. It's easy to look back on the day as a whole and remember how it affected me. I forgot about what was going through my head from 8:50-9:02 and all the different theories we had going. Then the 30 minutes after that was a whole other mind fuck. Then the 30 minutes after that was Armegeddon. I also forgot some people woke up after it happened and how they processed the whole thing. "I want some coffee....hey...where are the towers?"

We were so confused that day. Where do we go? Where is it safe? What's next? Am I safe here? Are there more planes? Are there more buildings going to fall? I can't get off the island! My cell phone doesn't work!!! WHAT DO I DO???

In 102 minutes that day, everything I knew about life and NYC changed. Looking back, how did we do it? Watching the video tonight reminded me not only how awful it all looked, but that we weren't sure if we had seen the worst of it. Our city looked like the southern tip had fallen into the Hudson. Going to bed that night (I don't even remember going to bed that night) we weren't sure what we were going to wake up to the next day.

This Might Work

My apartment is starting to become littered with Sept. 11 books, pictures, videos, and anything else that will trigger some inspiration for my writing and production. I can look at a picture of people running down the street, take notice of one individual, wonder something trivial about that person that is associated with this day, and come up with an idea for a monologue. I give 100% thanks to my training at the UCB for that gift. Most people see life in numerical or alphabetical order because it makes sense and people love patterns. In improv, you learn how to go A to C and A to D with a slight appreciation of what B was and how you got to where you are now.

As I was writing at my table, which I mistakenly called my ground zero the other day because it's covered with everything and makes no sense, I listened to my roommate and classmate talk about 9/11. They were looking at my Time Life Commemorative Book of pictures, time lines, and accounts from that day and their conversation put some life in me to do this project and spread it to the people. They both were about 12-13 when it happened and didn't live in NYC. The simple questions they had for me about the pictures made me realize I will be explaining things that I thought was common knowledge to humans. They were young. They didn't deal with the repercussions of that day or terrorists attacking their neighborhood. Their neighbors didn't disappear. I feel that discussion has set these thoughts further in motion.

First Brainstorming Session

This is a list of possible characters, themes, images, and reflections I have of the day after reading the book 102 Minutes and reflecting on my own experiences from that day. I don't know how I'm going to arrange this show yet, don't know how many characters I'm going to have, don't know what I'm going to be sure to include and what won't read on stage. These are the things that are floating around in my head and haven't been fully developed yet.

"do i go thru that fire or stay safe here?" all about risk taking

Rap artist about the towers

Airline controller

News manager

Competition of who was there

Someonr determined not to leave city

Telling someone theyre their hero

"this is my home"

Trapped in subway

About to jump

Looking on the brightside

Pissed its on all the channels

Lady selling usa memoribilia

Cab driver

Ash/dust

The history of nyc leading to today

Someone getting a handful dirt as wife

Hand with a baby hand in it

Fireman at bar

Someone waiting for phone call

Trying to find right picture for sign- reminds them of past times

Someone on west coast

Someone midtown

2 sons

2 brothers

People just looking

Soemone who has had lots of problems, this might be worst

Fireman hears bodies falling

Volunteer to give blood, dont need it

Guy who rode the roof down

Seeing the footage for the 100th time

Soemone waking up their roommate

What do we do now?

List of things why terrorists won

Something specific reminds them of america

Someone whos trapped in debris

Watching theb1st tower from the 2nd before its hit

Angels/the dead- talking to family

What they did

How they died

1500 were saved, but he missed the one

Everyone knows whats going to happen. The anticipation is bad

On the phone when it happened

When realization

Death realized

It was a bomb or gunman

Stuck in an elevator

Found body 5 blocks away

Woman with headphones on at desk

Told someone to go, but they stayed behind to watch. Wonder what

The realization sight of what was going on

Why the fire/ safety plan wasnt working

Other tower. Doesnt affect me "habit or instinct"

phone calls from other building. No biggie

Bankers make their money by staying

91 and 92 floor had different outcomes

Windows of the world breakfast. Not even supposed to be there

The word stuck

The idea of people running one way while others ran to it. That energy in the crossing

Internal monolgue of a person jumping through the air

A fireman's decision to help. Cant put out fire, only help evcuate

The amount of equipment a fireman carried

Control desk knowing no info

Someone looking at a walkie and describing how it sucks

Guilt of a guard who sent people back to their offices in south tower

"have you ever seen someone jump out of a building?"

How the 93 bombing affected the evacution now

Image of a hero come and gone rescuing

Someone on the 78th floor waking up after the 2nd plane. Seeing things

Difference between the first plane and the second

All the codes and lacknof fire tower and stairwells- we ar america!

"if they just would have taken this stairwell!"

A letter to someone who helped them but died

On my way down i saw someone smile, what and who was behind tht humanity?

Floor 64 closed the door an sealed it

Someone who has worked there for awhile and was foing to die there

Made it to roof. Locked. Other side was freedom

Stairway a was available in north tower and no one knew

Someone trapped in elevator alone waiting to die

Paralyzed person

Building on fire. Someone needs respirator. Any urgency?

Did not think the building would fall

Witnessed someone dying from a falling corpse

Someone talking while in a slow line moving down

After being in stairwell, to see the first signs of apocolypse

Cop trying to be strong but observing the horrors challenged that

Firemen making jokes as they passed up

Just as they started getting things right, they collapsed

The idea of distance physically and emotionally

If this was a movie, everyone would get out or narrowly escape

After a call, what someone wanted to say but forgot. All the things.

I dont want to die. Pleads his case

My twin brother was in the other tower

North tower didnt know the airplanes or the soyth tower fall, not even hit. Worlds largest tower was yards away and i didnt know

Firefughter only 35 floors up with all his shit still having 60 to go

Fates were sealed 4 decades earlier when stairs were elimanted for valuable space

Obese guy cant get help

Guy stuck after collapses knowing hes not going to get rescued

Religion caused this?

Celebrities dont feel safe

Rumors/ constant updates of planes

Where were you...?

Specifically that time. The factors that put someone there or npt. Missed a train , etc

Free thinking piece of all the questions that wentthrough oyr head

Other crimes happening around nyc

How many dead?

Why we're vulnerable and strong

Election day

Significance of 911

What do you think you would do?

Death by inhalation of dust- after escaping

Survivor guilt

Dreams of 9/11

A fireman who wasnt inside because he left and his friends were

Nobody cares if i get up in the morning

To accept fully whats gojng to happen and wha that feels like. Free

1st time ever seeing a dead body

2nd guessing

Coumting up with each number meaning something about the day

Why to amake the decision not to leave

Someone who slept thru the whole thing

Jane doe 1 was hit by debris

How did not more people die

Stanley praimaith

How do you treat others when your relative is in there?

Firemeb in north tower didnt know anything about south tower and fidnt leave on mayday

Someone about to die with the philosophy of everything happens for a reason

"everything ive worked for has come to this?"

May the Thesising Begin!

For those who don't know, in order for me to receive my MFA I must finish a grad thesis of my choosing and defend it. I have from next year until forever to finish it (but would have to keep paying fees for every semester, so in the next year or so is the best idea). I've decided to do my project on Sept.11, 2001. It will be a one man show that I write based on the day's events in lower Manhattan. If you've ever seen a show by Anna Deveare Smith, I will be going in and out of characters describing what is happening at any given moment. Unlike Smith, my characters will be fictitious and from my head and not re-enactments of interviews.

The idea came from the fact that I'm in class with people who were 12-15 years old when this major event happened in my life. It is a day that is seared in my brain. The days, months, and years after have changed the way I think and behave. My main goal with the show is to bring the day to life for those who weren't there and maybe don't know all the details of how it played out.

I know what I went through. I know what my friends and neighbors went through. I know what NYC went through. I'm tackling this project from a creative writing perspective that invents no new material, but expands on things that I experienced, heard of, or read about. What is the message I'm sending? I'm not sure yet. Heroism. Living life to the fullest. Ordinary people doing bigger than life things. How people react in a crisis.

My biggest concern is making the whole show too dark. Nothing hysterical happened that day, but I can't imagine doing an entire show that is depressing, screaming, crying, and disastrous. I need to find some inspiring moments, lighthearted jokes, and feel good characters. I haven't figured out how to do that yet. I have some ideas.

I've almost finished 102 Minutes, the book about what happened in the towers from the first plane attack on the North tower to the final collapse. I realized that this project is going to be an emotional landslide. We're coming up on the 10 year anniversary and it still feels like yesterday. Reading that book has unlocked some pockets of memories I had from that day and weeks after that still feel like a Jimi Hendrix concert.....just with more drugs.

This show will push me extremely far in my acting. I'm learning a lot in grad school and in order to bring 10-15 characters to a full emotional and physical life, I will have to go places I might not even be ready to right now. Even though I came up with this thesis idea months ago, I just started putting it in motion about 3 days ago. I'll keep this blog as project diary and if you're interested, you can take the journey with me. Plus, my parents like to know what I'm doing so then they know I'm not getting in trouble. This is their proof.