IN the FRINGE (Assonance!)

Monday was the choosing of the lineup for the festival and I got in!! I'm in the Brown venue at OST which seats 100 people and I have 7 shows so I need to find 700 people to see it. I have paid a lot of money already to get it in the festival and now I am a producer and have costs that frighten me. So Katie and Kayla have offered to help me with fundraising. In order.... Bake Sale, PArty at the apt, and a night of music and comedy. Guess who picked each one?

I'm so excited and scared out of my mind at the same time. I can't believe a small thought of an idea of writing a show about 9/11 a year ago has now had a reading and now will have a world premiere at an international fringe festival. I'm speechless, honored, and ready to get this thing ready!!

I'm not cast next semester so I have so many projects lined up to get the most out of my last semester in school. I'm doing 2 cabarets, leading an improv workshop, and doing a project I used to do in NYC which is get whoever wants to do a scene, song, monologue, etc and present it for feedback and suggestions. It would be nice to explore some of the pieces I want to do on these nights.

My director, Trevin Cooper, and I have thought about some of the pieces we definitely want to do in the final show and our first cut is: The opening, The closing, The Actor, The Cab Driver, The Romantic Couple, The Jumper, The K9 Unit, The Missing Person Ad, The 19 Men. That's 10 pieces. Each one can be 5 minutes each then. Hmmmm, I've got a lot of editing to do. I have to have the whole show under 60 minutes. BUT, I want to keep working on it so when I perform it outside the Fringe Festival, it can run about 80 minutes or so.

Let's get through the holidays, then it's go time.

Submitted

I have put this project on the back burner since 9/11 while I was getting Pajama Game on its feet and trying not to fail out of school. Today was a huge step in moving this project forward. In May, the Orlando Fringe Festival takes place and they take roughly 75 shows that perform in that week. I filled out my application, searched under the cushions for loose change so I could pay the application fee, and submitted my 9/11 show to be performed as part of the festival. There's about a 70% chance that I'll be picked for the festival. It's done purely on a lottery system. I'm trying to get into a venue that seats 100 people and hopefully will get 7 performances during the week. IF I do get in the festival, major fundraising will begin to help pay my producer costs. Thank God this is a one man show. There is admission price for the show so if I can get 700 people to come see it, then maybe, I can make a dent in my school loans......or get a new lens for my camera!

I'll find out by the evening of Nov 21st and that'll give me 5 or so months to polish the show, cut it down to the best 55 minutes, and start memorizing every single word in it. and then....... start reliving it all....over.....again. The most exciting thing is if I do get into the festival, I should be done with my thesis next summer. Holla!

Oh, and after doing my reading and getting feedback from everyone, I decided that a working title right now will be 9/11: We will never forget (The never will be crossed out). That's right. I can't begin to tell you how many people expressed the feeling that we forgot all of these stories in the past 10 years, and it'll only get worse in the future. My job will be to make sure we don't.

Everyone's favorite

I've had so many people give me compliments about my show but it always seems to go back to a few pieces I wrote and this one always seems to come out on top of those. I think it speaks for itself. Put a mirror up to your own face and ask these questions and what do you see?

19 guys. I'm sorry. Not guys. Scum. 19 scumbags who could fit in a jail cell, I don't care if they're comfortable or not. None of them weighed over 220 pounds or so, none of them too tall. These were average sized men with average sized organs and dealt with the same health problems we all do. But they had hate. More hate in them than any of us could imagine. Hate that was bigger than any physical thing we could see. Enough hate to take their own lives and all that they could take out in the name of Allah. They wanted something to happen and they did it.

If I picked 19 random people here today, and I gave you all the resources to do whatever you wanted to do, you couldn't come up with a plot, scenario, or execution that these fucks were able to do. These men became larger than life. 19 men were able to effect thousands and thousands, no millions of lives. The world. 19 men. Puts it in perspective. When was the last thing you did that affected more than 100 people? What were these 19 individual men able to do?

A total of 2,996 deaths, including the 19 hijackers, who I don't consider human beings, and 2,977 victims. The victims were distributed as follows: 246 on the four planes (from which there were no survivors), 2,606 in New York City in the towers and on the ground, and 125 at the Pentagon. All the deaths in the attacks were civilians except for 55 military personnel killed in the attack on the Pentagon. More than 90 countries lost citizens in the attacks on the World Trade Center.

NIST estimated that about 17,400 civilians were in the World Trade Center complex at the time of the attacks, while turnstile counts from the Port Authority suggest that 14,154 people were typically in the Twin Towers by 8:45 a.m on an average day. At least 1,366 people died who were at or above the floors of impact in the North Tower and at least 618 in the South Tower, where evacuation had begun before the second impact. Hundreds were killed instantly by the impact, while the rest were trapped and died after tower collapse. At least 200 people jumped to their deaths from the burning towers landing on the streets and rooftops of adjacent buildings hundreds of feet below.

A total of 411 emergency workers who responded to the scene died as they attempted to rescue people and fight fires. The New York City Fire Department (FDNY) lost 341 firefighters and 2 FDNY paramedics. Those deaths left 606 children without a parent and 244 widows. The New York City Police Department lost 23 officers. The Port Authority Police Department lost 37 officers, and 8 additional EMTs and paramedics from private EMS units were killed.

Cantor Fitzgerald which was located on the 90-94th floor lost 658 employees which left 1350 children without at least one parent.

Actions speak louder than words. You might be small or think yourself insignificant, but look at the impact you can have on those around you. When was the last time 19 people worked together in a plot that brought amazing positive change to the world. We have 100 people in Senate. We have 50 governors. 435 in the house of representatives. 1 president. 1 vice president. 16 people in his cabinet. Who knows how many has his ears.

19 though, 19 made the world change. Why does death and destruction have to bring change? They worked together. They believed in one thing. I wish it didn't have to be that. When do we start believing in one thing?

First Reading Recap

To say this has been the hardest semester I've ever had in college is an understatement. I work and work but feel like I get no closer to my goal. What that goal is, I have no freaking clue. Between classes, rehearsals, short sleeps that I call naps, working out, trying to eat, etc..I did a small little reading of my 9/11 show that I've been working on for months and thinking about for about a year. To recap in one word: Shocked.

I was shocked that I actually put it together. I'm a big time talker but sometimes lack the energy to follow through. I put Sept 11th as the date that I wanted to have my first reading, and it happened just the way I planned.

I was shocked that someone I have so much respect for in this field, Trevin Cooper, read it, was impressed by it, and agreed to help me stage it. I picked Trevin because he was a New York actor with me so between the two of us, we had been to or performed in over a hundred readings. I was shocked that we had 3 good rehearsals and were able to stage the whole thing and give a very coherent story with only a desk and 2 music stands.

I was shocked that almost 75 people showed up on a Sunday morning and allowed themselves to be moved and listened to the 37 stories I told in the 95 minute time span. I felt so supported and part of a theatrical community that wants to learn, share, and desire new work.

I was shocked that after a few monologues I looked out into the crowd and saw a few people sobbing. Honestly, I had become so close to this material that I forgot that it was sad and could affect people that way. Through the entire reading I heard sniffles and blowing of noses that I never expected when I took the stage that day. I actually had a few professors leave immediately after the show because they were overwhelmed with emotions.

I was shocked that the one piece that I love so much because it was funny and not makes fun of the day, but actors got huge laughs and when I realized the audience wanted to laugh at that point, I improvised about 2 minutes of material to it and it just kept getting funnier.

I wasn't shocked that the one piece that I remember sitting down and writing in one draft and never making a change to it and knowing I had something rich in it, got the best reaction and everyone wanted to tell me how much that one stood out.

I was shocked that professors tok me into their offices the next day to tell me how much they loved it and gave me constructive criticism. They weren't only professors at that moment but audience members who were affected by the material and were human beings who joined with me in the art of it.

I was shocked when one of my professors said "you raised a lot of questions" which is all I ever want to do as an artist. I was shocked when the majority of responses to the material included "live life to the fullest", "don't sweat the small shit", "Life could be over tomorrow", "I'm grateful for what I have" when that was the intention for a very long time even though I never came right out and said it.

I was shocked that I feel like I just scratched the surface of what this could be or what this is going to be. My biggest fear is that it won't be as powerful on other days besides Sept 11. Was it because it was on that day that it meant so much? Or was it because the material can be used any day of the year? Only time will answer that.

I'm overwhelmed with the outpouring of thoughts, support, and appreciation for my work from everyone. Thank you. I don't do this for my ego. I do it because it's my contribution to the world and to the world of art.

Approaching

My script sits in front me. I stare it. Have I done the day justice? Have I said enough? Have I said too much? Most likely the latter is true cause most of the time I don't know when to shut up. What have I left out? What have I talked about that no one cares about? Is 37 pieces too many even though most of them are around 2 minutes? Is two minutes pointless in having because will it eventually look like an audition sequence? Do I have enough variety? Do I miss the major points of the day? Will it be exciting? Will it be intriguing? Did I keep the right pieces and cut the ones that should've? Will it be too sad? Will my lighter moments be too light?

Ahhhhh....the life of a writer.

I haven't written since I made my trip to NYC over the summer and spent some time at Ground Zero. The first day I sat off of Liberty Street and watched New York pass me by and just took it in. As I watched people pass by in a hurry, on their phones, with fast food, muttering obscenities under the breath, the construction of the memorial and new skyscrapers was in the background. I free thought/wrote for about an hour and will type that out and include it in my next entry. Have we forgotten? Have we moved on? Have we tried to deal with it the best we can? Are we still in denial? How do we each individually deal with it on a daily basis and how has it changed over the past 10 years.

10 years. Wow. It doesn't seem possible. I walked the exterior of the area and saw the work being done thinking how many souls still inhabit this graveyard and how many just refuse to leave. I can watch numerous videos of people jumping out of the buildings that day and watch reactions of that on the street, but to see the new towers being built there and imagining watching numerous bodies allowing gravity to pull them to the ground in such a close proximity even made me shutter a bit. How do you erase those images out of your mind if you witnessed it, or do you ever?

The next day I took the tours around the area twice. The first time I did the audio tour and heard accounts of the day and the main facts of the events. I realized a problem I face is that I have been studying this day for months and the basic facts of the day are lost on me, BUT how many people who would be attending my show don't know that none of us knew what type of plane it was, that we thought it was an accident, if you were in the first tower and were evacuating you didn't know the second tower was hit, cell phone service that day was failing and caused more problems and worry than had already established themselves in such a short time. My first reading will answer a lot of those questions. Some people might write back, "I learned nothing new". I need to take that into account. What if the audience feels like nothing that they're seeing brings them closer to the day?

The next tour I did was led by two ladies who were directly affected by the day. That was more important for my project because they are the types I will be portraying a characters. Again, they told the basic information about the day and pointed out things that most people might not know. Later, they each told their story, one talking about working in the medical field and the other, losing a brother who was a fireman. She cried as she told the story. 10 years later, still being torn apart by the loss of a beloved brother and friend. I talked with her after for awhile and she was interested in my project and I'll be in touch with her off and on. I won't contact her this month because I'm realizing that the 10 year anniversary is tough for me, but is 100 times harder for someone who lost someone close to them that day.

I wish I was back there this 9/11, but I'm here and my reading will be my contribution to honoring the day. I don't feel like it's enough, but the firemen who came into my bar for weeks after said just serving them drinks was doing my duty as a New Yorker (part of my show if you come see it). I still struggle with that.

Stephen Sondheim

I was watching the History of the Broadway Musical Documentary (while watching the Indians....you know....just in case the LGBT came busting in my apartment pointing and screaming "I knew it!!!!") Stephen Sondheim was talking about how the crescendo at the end of each small phrase was his basis of mood in the opening song. With each small crescendo, you would keep anticipating something to happen but it never would. He said hardly anyone would notice it but it would automatically create a mood.

That is something that has been spinning around in my head about this 9/11 show for some time. The mood for the show. If it's supposed to happen like it did that day, I suppose I should start it at 8:46 in the morning, but then my buddy Alex wouldn't get there to see it, that's 6 hours before he likes to wake up. If the audience enters to a mood that we all had at 8:45 am that day, I might consider having a stand up comedian, a folk band, or people just handing money out so that everyone says "Oh what a splendid show this will be", and then have the ceiling cave in and crush the first three rows.

Maybe in the first three monologues I can crescendo the end of each sentence and the audience will think "Why in the hell is he doing that" , and get so annoyed they run out of the theater. I feel like I can actually recreate the horror of that day right there in the theater. Oooh, I have actors in mind that will really destroy all normalcy of the room if they perform. This place will explode!!!! Anyway...thank you Stephen Sondheim. (and the fact that I've been doing farce comedy for the past 4 weeks)

Invite to First Reading

I sent out a few invitations for my first rough read next Monday night the 27th. Just a few friends that I feel comfortable sharing whatever I think this thing might be. What feedback do i want from them? (I'm going to call each person's monologue a piece). 1) What overall feeling does one get from the piece? Why do they "really like it" or "really hate it" or why didn't it resonate in them. This is an important question because their answers are coming from a point of view of someone who wasn't there or thought about certain aspects of the day. They might hate it, but for all the reasons I'm going for. 2) How wide are the different point of views. It was a sad and life changing day, but too much of that would make for a really boring show. Did I hit enough different points of views that make the entire show very well rounded and interesting? 3) What would they have liked to see more of? And equally, what would they have liked to see less of? I hope it's not death, terrorism, heroics, and disaster..... cause there is going to be a lot of that. 4) What acting things pop out to them as I read the pieces. At the end of the day, this is an acting thesis. I'm aiming to stretch my acting chops a whole bunch of different ways and not only tell the story through my words, but through my body, behavior, emotions, expressions, characters, and unpredictability.

I already have a feeling of what pieces they are going to like. They're probably the ones that I like and that I liked writing. They're interesting. They stand out from the rest. I'm really hoping that a couple that I don't like are among their favorites. Why? Because it would mean I touched on something without even realizing it. The plan for the past two months has been to dive into every aspect of that day through reading, watching, studying and then letting my mind come up with ideas that might be interesting for an audience member or a topic that would be interesting to explore.

I'm not uncovering new ground. I am taking what I know as being an artist and doing what I can with it. I have the potential to reach out and educate, inspire, and move people with my understanding of the events of that day. I am fully aware that this might be the worst piece of shit ever to be performed, or maybe it can have a few moments that touch someone and they feel they know a little bit more about what our country and citizens went through.

First Reading

I did what any normal single 35 year old would do on a Friday night, I sat down and read my thesis script and relived 9/11 all over again. Yea! Actually, I was very happy with what I've accomplished in the past 2 months. I have finished 63 pieces and I feel enough stand out on their own to be put together to make an entire piece. I can tell right now that I'm going to have a problem cutting down. I found that a few of them that I liked all had a reasonable similarities and through some work I'll be able to combine them for one full piece. I also realized I have a strong connection to the ones that were more creative than the others. The ones that were off the wall had me thinking "I hope this gets a good response at the read through!" I'm happy with the number of "comic" or "lighthearted" ones. They can make people laugh and smile without making fun of anything that happened that day. New York is full of crazy characters and I'm using my knowledge of them to help this show.

I will need to start thinking of the entire piece as a whole soon and what choices I could make to make it a very meaningful evening for the audience. I talked to Dan in the costume shop about recruiting his help for costume ideas. I have many set and lighting ideas but don't know if any of those will be able to be used depending on where I do the show.

I did watch the conspiracy theories of 9/11 on dvd tonight and how they are argued by Popular Mechanics magazine. If the "truthers" are wrong in any way, they should apologize to every single American. Or how about a TV show pitting both sides against each other? I'm sure that would be a tad bit better than the Kardashians.

I talked to a couple friends who were younger and out of state and got their opinions on that day and realized if this show is a success, I could write an entirely different show based on the people who didnt live in NYC. It was a totally different experience from those who saw the smoke rising to the sky and those who didn't. It also makes me think how this show will play to an audience down here compared to one in the New England States. Does the image of fighter jets flying around NYC protecting us for days afterwards resonate as surreal to this audience as it did for us?

June 10th, 2011

I'll name this entry exactly what it is. It's a check in that says I'm still doing this writing thing so that when I include it in my thesis paper, I won't have to go back and make stuff up. I have 58 individual pieces so far, some being really good and some being complete shit. Some are fragments of ideas and that led me to write another piece in the same vicinity of one I didn't like. I still have a brainstorming list that is several pages long that I feel I could write another 75-100 without any effort. I would say 40 of the 58 are off of general ideas of death, forgiveness, hatred, love, survival, shock, recovery, or decision making. The other 18 are quite avant garde and off the wall. I have found ways to add comedy and light hearted moments, but hope to write a few more that doesn't make fun of the day but lightens the mood. Another path I'm crossing is going from feelings and emotions that I don't need to do research on to doing more pieces using very precise data and information. I want to write a piece that really makes it apparent how much terrorism and anti American sentiment came into it, but first I have to understand it myself and have read almost two books about it just so I can write a 5 minute piece on it. I don't want it to be a lecture. I want it to communicate the message while making it interesting and creative.

That's another struggle I'm dealing with. To make the moments active towards someone specifically with a specific want or getting the information out as much as possible, sacrificing the "scene". I want to make each moment a different take on something that has been looked at the same mundane way before. I want to surprise the audience. I also don't want to dumb down the audience and I want to trust them that they'll see what I'm trying to say with the words without slapping them in the face with them. Take the example of someone who is saying goodbye to their family member for the last time. Sitting here I can think of 10 different ways to do that. It's a matter of writing all of them and then getting a feel of what is working the best and then how it compares to the other pieces that I include in the final product. My goal is still to do a full reading on Sept 11th of this year on the 10th anniversary.

Memorial Day

I have lived at my pool for the past 3 weeks and I have finished about 90% of my first rough draft of the show. I decided to take the route of writing pretty intensely for an hour or two at a time and not reading it again. When I get back from Ohio, I'll re read each character and moment and see what stands out. Then the rewriting begins and that's going to be... well just plain aggravating and stupid. I've written about 30-35 characters which have little or nothing to do with each other and moments that range from heart breaking to side splitting. Yes, I had to come up with some funny moments or this show would be about as funny as Schindler's List.

I then realized over this month that this blog is actually going to be part of my thesis paper and how the process of writing the script came to be and decisions I made and chose not to make. So I need to be a bit more specific on things, BUT there's a huge part of me that doesn't want to share what I've written yet because it's so disgustingly raw. So raw that Im scared to read it again myself right now. All I can say is there is one moment that I actually started crying as I was writing the words because the character I had created touched my heart so deep. The moment I wrote that is intended to lighten the mood was so much fun to write and just like when you're in the middle of an improv scene that is working, came so easily. One thought lead to the next and it almost felt like it was writing itself. Then I came to a section where I started writing with one intention and it got away from me and something happened with it that scared the shit out of me and surprised me at the same time and I had to get up and walk away and wonder if it was really me that just wrote it.

It's fucking 9/11. We all have feelings about it. It all means something different to every single one of us and I have to trust myself and feel like I'm giving it the justice that I feel I want to. I have narrowed the vision of the show to include only New York and the idea of terrorism and how it affects someone physically and mentally. I'm going to have a few people read the sections and characters and give me feedback not how to make it better but what they feel when they hear and experience it. If they feel nothing, then I have to hit it from an another way.

Another thing I have to keep in mind is that this is predominantly an acting thesis and I want to give enough variety in the characters, moods, tempo, information, and entertainment value to have fun and challenge myself. How do I go from convincingly playing a jewish mother

remembering something to a NYC fireman in the act of doing something that day? The ridiculous part of me gets an artist's boner when I think of tackling these challenges.

I'm also glad I started this project when I did because after reading 5-6 books and watching hours of documentary, I started writing ideas that went A to C but now a month later are going A to Q. I get an idea and wonder how in the hell I could make it work and then just start writing and seeing if I can. Some ideas are so ridiculous that I want to make them work just so I can punch it in the throat and say "HA! Take that bitch!" Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. I'm not putting that pressure on myself, but I have found out that the more I really push my creativity, the more enjoyable it is. BUT...... is that what got Spiderman the musical in so much trouble??

The added pleasure of this work has been my creativity has been on overdrive and have written so many side projects these past few weeks that I have something to take my mind off of the tragedies of Sept 11. I'm in the process of rewriting those and sending them to Alex so we can start filming them next semester. I remember my composition teacher at Otterbein saying "write, write, write. 10% of what you write will be good and the other 90% will teach you what not to do and maybe will give you an idea that will give you an idea for your next project."

So what the hell am I writing this blog for...back to New York!

Need help

I've been writing constantly for the past week and have hit many different aspects of that day. It occurred to me tonight that there is a lot about that day that I've learned in my research process. I'm doing this show for you, the citizens. To answer questions and to bring you closer to understanding something that was so horrific. As I keep coming up with new topics and ways to communicate them, I'm wondering what kind of information you know and what you think you know about 9/11. If you wouldn't mind, if you could write about that day. Not where you were and what happened, but what you remember about the facts of that day and after. Some things that I thought were common sense are lost on people outside of NYC. Also list any things you wish you knew more about from that day. I'm keeping the show revolved around the happenings in NYC. Thanks for any insight you might have. You can send a message to my facebook or email me at jasonnettle@mac.com.

Thanks,

Jason

First stream of thought writing. 10 minutes.

9/11 First draft free thought- 10 minutes

death. bodies and murders like no one has ever witnessed before in america and in nyc. it was brutal. how everything must have worked so perfectly for the highjackers for this to happen. makes me think it was supposed to happen. Any number of things could have gone wrong, but they didn't. it was almost perfect. two towers falling but only killing 3,000 people. is it wrong to think that that wasn't very many people. or enough people to make it horrendous? People evaporated. Sitting at a job they hated or being tired and were absolutely defenseless and evaporated. Then the people above had to worry for an hour. Smoke killed some. What an awful way to die. then the jumpers. did they feel they could survive? what was happening up there? How hot was it that jumping to your death was the only choice. People on the street witnessing them falling. nothing anyone has ever seen. bodies exploding on the ground. who sees that? how do you recover from that?

The first plane seemed like an accident. was it a bomb, small commuter jet? was the pilot drunk? Second plane was an attack. For 16 minutes we were dealing with a fire. 2nd explosion had more people watching and meant more. It was like a movie. cinematography couldn't have been better or more suspenseful. An explosion in a building in nYC of that magnitude on tv. You cant write something like that. THen who knew if the 2nd plane was it? Were there more? What else? then we hear about the pentagon and united 93. there are rumors of others around country but not confirmed. Anything could have been the answer for this. 10 thousand dead? 1 thousand dead?

300 firefighters crushed. Did they know it was going to fall? Were they heroes? Did they think they'd get up and out before anything destructive happened. They hardly made it close to the fire. They didn't even put any out. a couple did. They went in to get crushed. Walking up stairs would take them 3 hours. It only stood for an hour.

Uh oh

I had a discovery today. I think I'm ready to sit down and start writing. And what's going through my mind over and over again? "You're going to screw this up Jason." "Is this going to be a disaster?" "What are you going to write about that isn't going to be just depressing?" "Is this going to be entertaining at all??" "How can I tell the story and not make it look like artistic masturbation?" "What can I say that everyone hasn't heard already?" "How is this going to avoid being just another 9/11 piece?" "How am I going to put everything that is in my head down in a coherent way that captures the audiences imagination, emotions, and sense of understanding?" "How do I make this show amazing and not a piece of shit?"

Ahhhhhh..... the life of a writer and someone who is taking a major risk. Fuck me.

Post Post 9/11

I actually couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up and watching the news. I woke up at 5:30 am and continued to see the words "Osama Bin Laden dead". Depending on the news station which some would say "Obama Bin Laden dead" which really confused me. I don't think that man had anything to do with 9/11. I had so many people come up to me today and say "I thought of you last night when I saw the announcement". Well, thank you. I couldn't figure out if it was because of my project, that I'm from NYC, or they were secretly hoping that I was in the deceased and not that mass murderer. I chose not to investigate their association.

After thinking about it all day, the only thing that really resonated in me was how much I missed NYC today. To see images of the city and my neighbors celebrating and hugging made me want to walk among them and let them piss me off like they usually did. I can't believe it's been 10 years, but it is so ironic that I have been living that horrific day constantly so the news came to me with all of this fresh in my head. Last night I just finished watching 2 History channel documentaries about 9/11 and 30 minutes later Bin Laden was killed. It almost felt like justice was served that day, when we wanted him tortured, strung by his toes, and kicked in the nuts by everyone who lost someone that day. The parentless children would get to kick until they got tired.

The news has spread like any news is spread in 2011, via Facebook. That's how I found out. I spun and turned on the TV and watched the reports from there. All day people have been updating their status and letting the world know their personal and political opinions about the ordeal. Mine is "Thank you to the military. This doesn't put an end to anything, but it's nice to know that that disgusting human being isn't among the living now." I feel happy, but I don't think it really changes anything. Has he even been among the terrorist cells for the past 10 years? I don't know. Only a select few in the world know the answer to that. I like watching the updates from my liberal friends, intertwined with my conservative friends, and speckled with the updates from my friends in the military. You would think three different things happened last night. I know what happened on Sept 11, 2001. There isn't a liberal, conservative, conspiracy theorist, atheist, foreigner, or tea partier who can change my experience with that.

God bless you America.

Wow

I've been living this project and these images for a month now and the fact that I know he didn't die of old age but was hunted down brings satisfaction to me tonight. I know this won't stop the terrorists from continuing to be assholes, but what a nice victory tonight. May 3,000 souls rest in peace now from this dispicable human being. Thank you Military. We owe you everything.

Second Brainstorming Session

After more videos, books, and memories, I have added on to my previous brainstorming list. If I could write a show about every single thing I'm thinking of, it would last 3 days. This list and the previous list combine to make 250 character/ideas/images/phrases that I've taken in thus far.

The symphony of different noises

A piece of glass goed thru two people as one tries to cover the other

The smell of manhattan that week.

The air all around contained bits of every deceased

Later on- whats happening now? Expect the worst

neurotic guy who cant get the smell, ash, memory out of his clothes

Someone who could have been saved but sacrificed themselves for the lord

What does ground zero mean.

How i make sure the terrorists dont win

Guatam patel- indian writer

Fires burned for 100 days

Rescue worker wants to sit down but would feel guilty if someone trapped saw him

Edgar allan poe: my very senses reject their own evidence

What towns lost the most people

Someone with a camera who went tiwards what was happening. Tells the story visually

Battery dead on the camera

Street light knocked down killing someone

The steel was still on fire and hot after the collapse. Couldnt rummage around.

How big of a space battery park is. Most people dont understand the tughtness of streets and distance

What happened when he got home that night. Vacant soul. Vomiting in the shower

The fireman thanking me for serving him drinks.

"swimmers" to go down through debris.

How many things had to go right for this to work for them

See a picture of the plabe right before it hits 2nd tower and realize how much hate and fright is on that plane

1st time airline operations were stopped

Attack on pentagon doesnt matter right now

Battleships and fighter jets on patrol

Replay first minutes over and over again. 2nd guessing.

All the fires placed around like a movie set

Someone screaming Stop drop and roll

Helping someone who i saw for years but never said hello to

Turned on radio, they were joking about pam anderson while we were running for our lives

The difference between regular nyers and 9/11 nyers. Subway, stairs, cabs, etc.

The water from sprinklers added on to the ash made for ghost people.

Person survived collapse because they were tramled and thr people were like a blanket

Someone standing at the edge of the city. Hasnt stepped a foot since that day. Horrible memories

For 16 minutes it was just a crash and a fire

"what do we do?!?"

Stunned faces

What is the breathing patterns of that

Stupid people commenting

Making shit up

Relaying of info as it happened between nyers. 2 planes? Bombs? Every half an hour? Terrorists?

A pastor at impact Zone with injured who can provide comfort...but frim what?

Moment of silence by pres bush while chaos taking place

Stuck in manhattan. Cant leave.

For an hour, it was fires in building. No one thought theyd fall

Fireman calling wife to say hes alive after first collapse

Areas thatvwere picturesque fr brides and tourists looked like hell

I wanred to smoke, know where i could get a light? Irony.

Someone who a jumper was kin to

What good has come from it

Jan demczur. All the other heroes no one has ever hers of

One moment drinking coffee, next my friend is on fire

Remember different rhythms and different accents. Diff ages, sexes, sexuality,

People thought it was a gun

Calling a relative and preparing them for what might happen. They cant let go.

Someone choking on the ash and dying

Being interviewed right after

The confusion of getting info on a relative and names/ building # etc

3000 people was just a fraction of what and who they hurt

Human bonsai tree

You cant replace a life. You can a building

Rant on liberals and wanting peace and uss cole, clinton, civil rights

Rubber neckers got crushed even after bring told to leave

Could be a funny story of mishaps that someone is fondly remembering. Running into a doughnut cart

A fathers job is to protect his daughter

Body part sections in the morgue

There are people you know before and after the attack

Felt the heat from the fireball in 2nd explosion

Everybody seemed to find a coworker running withthem ad then disappear

An actors point of view. All about himself

Jason nettle's point of view

Finally getting the call that hes ok

2nd plane caused almost 100 people to be ejected from the building

Go to war now. Hate bin laden.

Unbelievable blacknesa from collapse. Is this death? No one knows what its like

After collapse, breaking into building, getting on elevator, very peaceful music

Cars exploded from the heat of the fires

The ash and dust were remains of people and that hit mr and made me sick. Comes off in shower

The hail story from laura

How do you tell a kid?

People were still "working" because we wrent sure how it would end

Tortured logic

Everyone wondered if they had died when it was pitch black from the dust

Did your men make it out? No. That first realization that people were crushed

Our mayor was walking down the street like everyone else

Hugged wife a little longer next day

If god intervened, id have more trouble dealing with this. Guilt

What to do when you receive infonation and you cant process it

Hospitals didnt have patiebts because people just vanished

People whos only job in life was to save people

They havent taken away our spirit

Ground zero known as the pile

Where do you start

Using missing instead of dead

Have you ever lived on hope?

If i jump i can end it the way i want. I want to fly. My soul to be free

We're not used to this. Dont even know what to do

When it fell, i remeber breathing it all in. Holding my breath. Hearing my neighbor scream

I ran away for the first time in my life

Ok. You got what you wanted Theyre down. Nowwhat??! What do you have fuckers??

Boat rescues were amazing

I have never seen war, but i imagine this is what it looks like

When did we think it was stable?

No water downtown. Fires just burned.

Last survivors were found the morning of the 12th. 5 of them

Bigger rock that could have dozens of people in it

What do i tell this baby that im holding

What are physics of collapse. How much weight, impact, force, etc

Do i tackle the issue of religion

What was this dead body doing 30 minutes ago

Can all the characters be connected in some way

After collapse i couldnt even speak. Sound waves had no where to go

When they hear the building coming down above them, what do you think. Same thing as the guy next to him, but he didnt make it

How do you prepare to die? What have i done with my life

You think of everything you havent done with your life. Ive got 5 seconds. Cant do anything now

If my husband saved you, do something with your life because he cant

Firemen never have felt hopeless. Theyre the ones who do the work

Im trapped in north tower stairway b, where is north tower

Im comin for ya brother

Detail Overload

I've read a few books, seen a couple documentaries, lived in NYC through the actual events, and interviewed people and now I'm starting to sit down for the writing process. It seems so daunting. How do communicate what I want the audience to take away from it? What exactly do I want the audience to take away from it? I think those questions will be answered once the process begins. My brainstorming list is twice as long as the last one I posted.

My last final is Monday morning and I'll be completely done with my first year by 3 pm. The way I've decided to tackle the writing process is taking the advice from my former photography teacher. She once had us take a simple object and take over 50 pictures of it from different angles and such. It was at the time that we thought we had exhausted all possibilities of capturing this object when the art actually started to happen. Pictures 45-80 were always so much more interesting because they came from a place of extreme exploration.

I think this is how I'm going to try to write. I'm going to block off a few hours and free write and see where my imagination goes. Since I don't have an exact vision of what I want to happen, I trust that it's inside of me somewhere and I just need to coax it out. It'll be at the time that I'm sick of writing about some specific piece of the event that I will go to an extreme alpha state and hopefully my subconscious will come to life. Here's hoping. I'm trying to get most of my ideas out on paper by June 1st so I can start structuring it and having a fairly good draft by August 1st. Still hoping for my first read through to be Sept 11, 2011.

Nice Relaxing Night Alone

Tonight I decided to watch a light documentary from the History channel titled 102 Minutes. Wow. What the hell was I thinking? It gave me a million ideas for my show but I spent most of it having flashbacks and reliving that day and the days after. The documentary consists of home footage taken by New Yorkers that were down in the neighborhood when it all happened. What I heard in the conversations that I totally forgot until now was that we had no idea what was going on minute by minute. It's easy to look back on the day as a whole and remember how it affected me. I forgot about what was going through my head from 8:50-9:02 and all the different theories we had going. Then the 30 minutes after that was a whole other mind fuck. Then the 30 minutes after that was Armegeddon. I also forgot some people woke up after it happened and how they processed the whole thing. "I want some coffee....hey...where are the towers?"

We were so confused that day. Where do we go? Where is it safe? What's next? Am I safe here? Are there more planes? Are there more buildings going to fall? I can't get off the island! My cell phone doesn't work!!! WHAT DO I DO???

In 102 minutes that day, everything I knew about life and NYC changed. Looking back, how did we do it? Watching the video tonight reminded me not only how awful it all looked, but that we weren't sure if we had seen the worst of it. Our city looked like the southern tip had fallen into the Hudson. Going to bed that night (I don't even remember going to bed that night) we weren't sure what we were going to wake up to the next day.

This Might Work

My apartment is starting to become littered with Sept. 11 books, pictures, videos, and anything else that will trigger some inspiration for my writing and production. I can look at a picture of people running down the street, take notice of one individual, wonder something trivial about that person that is associated with this day, and come up with an idea for a monologue. I give 100% thanks to my training at the UCB for that gift. Most people see life in numerical or alphabetical order because it makes sense and people love patterns. In improv, you learn how to go A to C and A to D with a slight appreciation of what B was and how you got to where you are now.

As I was writing at my table, which I mistakenly called my ground zero the other day because it's covered with everything and makes no sense, I listened to my roommate and classmate talk about 9/11. They were looking at my Time Life Commemorative Book of pictures, time lines, and accounts from that day and their conversation put some life in me to do this project and spread it to the people. They both were about 12-13 when it happened and didn't live in NYC. The simple questions they had for me about the pictures made me realize I will be explaining things that I thought was common knowledge to humans. They were young. They didn't deal with the repercussions of that day or terrorists attacking their neighborhood. Their neighbors didn't disappear. I feel that discussion has set these thoughts further in motion.

First Brainstorming Session

This is a list of possible characters, themes, images, and reflections I have of the day after reading the book 102 Minutes and reflecting on my own experiences from that day. I don't know how I'm going to arrange this show yet, don't know how many characters I'm going to have, don't know what I'm going to be sure to include and what won't read on stage. These are the things that are floating around in my head and haven't been fully developed yet.

"do i go thru that fire or stay safe here?" all about risk taking

Rap artist about the towers

Airline controller

News manager

Competition of who was there

Someonr determined not to leave city

Telling someone theyre their hero

"this is my home"

Trapped in subway

About to jump

Looking on the brightside

Pissed its on all the channels

Lady selling usa memoribilia

Cab driver

Ash/dust

The history of nyc leading to today

Someone getting a handful dirt as wife

Hand with a baby hand in it

Fireman at bar

Someone waiting for phone call

Trying to find right picture for sign- reminds them of past times

Someone on west coast

Someone midtown

2 sons

2 brothers

People just looking

Soemone who has had lots of problems, this might be worst

Fireman hears bodies falling

Volunteer to give blood, dont need it

Guy who rode the roof down

Seeing the footage for the 100th time

Soemone waking up their roommate

What do we do now?

List of things why terrorists won

Something specific reminds them of america

Someone whos trapped in debris

Watching theb1st tower from the 2nd before its hit

Angels/the dead- talking to family

What they did

How they died

1500 were saved, but he missed the one

Everyone knows whats going to happen. The anticipation is bad

On the phone when it happened

When realization

Death realized

It was a bomb or gunman

Stuck in an elevator

Found body 5 blocks away

Woman with headphones on at desk

Told someone to go, but they stayed behind to watch. Wonder what

The realization sight of what was going on

Why the fire/ safety plan wasnt working

Other tower. Doesnt affect me "habit or instinct"

phone calls from other building. No biggie

Bankers make their money by staying

91 and 92 floor had different outcomes

Windows of the world breakfast. Not even supposed to be there

The word stuck

The idea of people running one way while others ran to it. That energy in the crossing

Internal monolgue of a person jumping through the air

A fireman's decision to help. Cant put out fire, only help evcuate

The amount of equipment a fireman carried

Control desk knowing no info

Someone looking at a walkie and describing how it sucks

Guilt of a guard who sent people back to their offices in south tower

"have you ever seen someone jump out of a building?"

How the 93 bombing affected the evacution now

Image of a hero come and gone rescuing

Someone on the 78th floor waking up after the 2nd plane. Seeing things

Difference between the first plane and the second

All the codes and lacknof fire tower and stairwells- we ar america!

"if they just would have taken this stairwell!"

A letter to someone who helped them but died

On my way down i saw someone smile, what and who was behind tht humanity?

Floor 64 closed the door an sealed it

Someone who has worked there for awhile and was foing to die there

Made it to roof. Locked. Other side was freedom

Stairway a was available in north tower and no one knew

Someone trapped in elevator alone waiting to die

Paralyzed person

Building on fire. Someone needs respirator. Any urgency?

Did not think the building would fall

Witnessed someone dying from a falling corpse

Someone talking while in a slow line moving down

After being in stairwell, to see the first signs of apocolypse

Cop trying to be strong but observing the horrors challenged that

Firemen making jokes as they passed up

Just as they started getting things right, they collapsed

The idea of distance physically and emotionally

If this was a movie, everyone would get out or narrowly escape

After a call, what someone wanted to say but forgot. All the things.

I dont want to die. Pleads his case

My twin brother was in the other tower

North tower didnt know the airplanes or the soyth tower fall, not even hit. Worlds largest tower was yards away and i didnt know

Firefughter only 35 floors up with all his shit still having 60 to go

Fates were sealed 4 decades earlier when stairs were elimanted for valuable space

Obese guy cant get help

Guy stuck after collapses knowing hes not going to get rescued

Religion caused this?

Celebrities dont feel safe

Rumors/ constant updates of planes

Where were you...?

Specifically that time. The factors that put someone there or npt. Missed a train , etc

Free thinking piece of all the questions that wentthrough oyr head

Other crimes happening around nyc

How many dead?

Why we're vulnerable and strong

Election day

Significance of 911

What do you think you would do?

Death by inhalation of dust- after escaping

Survivor guilt

Dreams of 9/11

A fireman who wasnt inside because he left and his friends were

Nobody cares if i get up in the morning

To accept fully whats gojng to happen and wha that feels like. Free

1st time ever seeing a dead body

2nd guessing

Coumting up with each number meaning something about the day

Why to amake the decision not to leave

Someone who slept thru the whole thing

Jane doe 1 was hit by debris

How did not more people die

Stanley praimaith

How do you treat others when your relative is in there?

Firemeb in north tower didnt know anything about south tower and fidnt leave on mayday

Someone about to die with the philosophy of everything happens for a reason

"everything ive worked for has come to this?"

May the Thesising Begin!

For those who don't know, in order for me to receive my MFA I must finish a grad thesis of my choosing and defend it. I have from next year until forever to finish it (but would have to keep paying fees for every semester, so in the next year or so is the best idea). I've decided to do my project on Sept.11, 2001. It will be a one man show that I write based on the day's events in lower Manhattan. If you've ever seen a show by Anna Deveare Smith, I will be going in and out of characters describing what is happening at any given moment. Unlike Smith, my characters will be fictitious and from my head and not re-enactments of interviews.

The idea came from the fact that I'm in class with people who were 12-15 years old when this major event happened in my life. It is a day that is seared in my brain. The days, months, and years after have changed the way I think and behave. My main goal with the show is to bring the day to life for those who weren't there and maybe don't know all the details of how it played out.

I know what I went through. I know what my friends and neighbors went through. I know what NYC went through. I'm tackling this project from a creative writing perspective that invents no new material, but expands on things that I experienced, heard of, or read about. What is the message I'm sending? I'm not sure yet. Heroism. Living life to the fullest. Ordinary people doing bigger than life things. How people react in a crisis.

My biggest concern is making the whole show too dark. Nothing hysterical happened that day, but I can't imagine doing an entire show that is depressing, screaming, crying, and disastrous. I need to find some inspiring moments, lighthearted jokes, and feel good characters. I haven't figured out how to do that yet. I have some ideas.

I've almost finished 102 Minutes, the book about what happened in the towers from the first plane attack on the North tower to the final collapse. I realized that this project is going to be an emotional landslide. We're coming up on the 10 year anniversary and it still feels like yesterday. Reading that book has unlocked some pockets of memories I had from that day and weeks after that still feel like a Jimi Hendrix concert.....just with more drugs.

This show will push me extremely far in my acting. I'm learning a lot in grad school and in order to bring 10-15 characters to a full emotional and physical life, I will have to go places I might not even be ready to right now. Even though I came up with this thesis idea months ago, I just started putting it in motion about 3 days ago. I'll keep this blog as project diary and if you're interested, you can take the journey with me. Plus, my parents like to know what I'm doing so then they know I'm not getting in trouble. This is their proof.